The ego is a very complex psychological function of human existence.

The idea or construction of the self is a process that starts early in our lives and actually never ends.

It evolves, changes, morphs, adapts, and shapes part of who we are, as a perception of ourselves, but also as the overall image we project socially.

Without wanting to get into Freudian or scientific detail, the ego is neither a good nor a bad characteristic. It’s an inevitable function of being human.

The ego is often rightfully and mistakenly associated with our personality and character. It relates to confidence, self-esteem, and inevitably, performance.

It’s a constant struggle between our desires and the moral compass that we have set and believe to be fair, balanced, and somehow universally accepted.

Additional second-level psychological layers, like vanity, judgment, pride, and decision-making, come into play, transforming the ego into an intense battle of internal emotions, feelings, and rational drives.

Excuse me, dear reader, for this rather long introduction, but I needed it to get to my point, which will obviously get to surfing.

We all know people with an inflated ego; some of them are actually what we call “people that are full of themselves.”

It’s never our case, obviously. We float above that.

They could be our close friends or cherished family members. Some of us can deal with that in a lighter way than others and take it to the fun side.

“He’s a bit cocky, but he’s a nice guy with a nice heart,” we could say.

“Waves Are Too Small for Me”

I always remember Cristiano Ronaldo’s dry and confident self-awareness description of himself, “I am the best footballer in the world,” repeated several times, from when he was 18 to 38.

CR loves bodyboarding, by the way.

And then, on the other side of the spectrum, you’ll find people who are able to “tame” their ego and minimize its influence in daily life.

A good, classical example is Tibetan monks, who train their ego as the only way to meet awakening.

So, what does ego have to do with surfing? I think you might know where I’m going.

Surfing is an exercise of vanity. Yes, we do love the feeling of walking on water, but we do not surf for ourselves only.

We want to show we can. We want to show we’re fearless. We want to prove we’re better. We want to make a statement. We want to rule the lineup. We want as many waves as we can possibly get. We think we’re entitled to the best waves. We think our home break is ours and not theirs.

Ego is all over surfing.

The famous surfing quote, “Waves are not measured in feet and inches; they are measured in increments of fear,” explicitly tells us that each one of us has their own limit and, therefore, some are braver than others.

You can see ego in every moment of surfing.

It’s even visible outside the water when we or someone else is watching the waves and commenting about the conditions.

“It’s too small for me.”
“I won’t do anything in these s****y waves.”
“I’d better do something else than paddle out for this.”
“What are those guys doing out there? There’s nothing to surf.”

I am sure you’ve either heard or even said this. I am sure I said them all at least once in my life.

In all of the above sentences, our ego is at full play.

The Perception of Myself Vs. The Way Others See Me as a Surfer

So, if we’re already like this when we’re still dry, imagine when we’re out the back catching waves.

There is an old surf-related meme that depicts the perception everyone has of surfing, including our very own.

It features images of what our friends, our mom, society, girlfriend/boyfriend, and I think I do, and then what I really do.

It’s quite funny and pretty much sums up the role of ego in surfing.

Quite often, we tend to convey an exaggerated version of ourselves and our accomplishments, and that never translates to real life and an objective portrait of our performances.

This natural lack of self-awareness is even found subtly in the timeless “You should’ve been here yesterday.”

In other words, “I had the time of my life and you haven’t.”

How Indoor Rock Climbing Is Toning Down My Ego

Now, here’s how I met face-to-face with my ego when I least expected it.

A close encounter with my conscious sense of self happened recently, when I tried and got immediately hooked on indoor rock climbing.

A friend invited me to give it a go – thanks, Patrícia – and I instantly loved it and felt I needed it in my life.

The thing is, failure is so present in this sport that at some point, you’re confronted with your ego. It’s literally in your face.

Despite being a physical activity with a relatively fast learning curve, there will be a moment when you won’t be able to progress up the wall as swiftly as you would want, and eventually fall.

After clearing the initial yellow and green routes, I failed consecutively on an orange one. And suddenly, I was developing an obsession with it.

“How can I clear this?”

“I know I can do it.”

“Why does everybody else make it so easy, and I struggle?”

After asking for advice, I fell again. After resting my arms and legs for a while, I fell again and blamed it on the lack of energy.

And after all this failure and whining, I started to reject that route, despite everyone else’s words of encouragement.

But why was I “ghosting” the route I couldn’t complete? Why did I pretend to ignore that I’ve been unsuccessful?

After a week or so, I figured it had to do with my ego.

There were several variables at stake in my brain: frustration, embarrassment, fear of failing, denial, repression, etc.

Falling Is Failing: And That’s Great

At some point, I shared with experienced climbers what I was going through. I told them it was my ego talking louder.

He said to me, “Luís, climbing is constant failure. I have been doing this for 35 years, and falling is as part of it as success.”

This got me thinking.

And so I attached the auto belay’s carabiner to my harness and went up for the 10th or 20th attempt. I fell. And rested. And repeated it again. And fell.

As I am writing this, I haven’t yet been able to clear that orange route. It’s my nemesis. I find myself waking up trying to visualize a way to make it.

But I know that it is only a matter of time… Oh, wait. Is this my self-inflated ego talking? Damn – not again.

See? Our ego chases us no matter how hard we try to keep under socially acceptable levels. It’s a loop struggle; a self-induced drug that we’re unable to completely transcend. It comes and goes and comes.

And as I checked my watch to see if it’s time to leave the indoor rock climbing and the surfer’s lineup, I asked myself, “Should I try it one more time? Should I wait for one more wave and leave on a high note?”

My self promptly replied: “You definitely need a few more baths of humility and humbleness. It’ll make you a better man.”

Sure – got it.

Words by Luís MP | Founder of SurferToday.com